Poem #5

They Don’t Know

Lay your head against the pillow,

they think you’re asleep.

But sleep never comes easy.

Your mind never shuts off.

Ruminating. Ruminating. Ruminating.

But they don’t know.

Wear a smile,

pretend to be happy.

Hide the fact that inside you’re

terrified.

But they don’t know.

They don’t know

how easy it would be

for you to lock yourself away,

stay in your apartment,

not stepping outside for anything.

A life spent on the couch.

Not worrying about anything.

They don’t know

how the things that come

so easily to others

for you, take all of your energy.

They don’t know.

They don’t know

that it catches up to you

daily;

your exhaustion.

It takes so much.

You give so much.

But they don’t know.

How could they?

Do you tell them?

Do you try to explain?

No.

It’s easier this way.

They’ll never know

and you’ll never say anything.

And they don’t know.

But you do.

Poem #4

Anxiety

Heart racing,

Can’t get it under control;

Stomach hurting,

Feeling like a stranger has inhabited my body.

 

Trips to doctors,

One has a PhD and the other an MD;

Talking, endless talking,

The need to figure out why I am this way.

 

Passed down through the family?

Thanks, but no thanks;

This is a gift I’ll be returning,

My mind is never asleep.

 

Endless worry,

Consuming doubt;

The memories span years,

How sad it must have been for me as a child to be plagued with such fear.

 

It’s not something you talk about,

Too much stigma attached;

Ironic, since “normal” has never really existed,

And yet, nobody wants to be “crazy.”

 

Respite would be nice,

A way to escape;

But when what you want to escape is your mind,

That trip is a much harder one to take

 

Original Writing: Poem # 3

Hero

She’s sunken

Crawled up like a ball

She’s trying to keep her balance

And yet she’ll always fall

I hand her a blanket

to protect her from the chills

but she moves way from me,

grabs the bottle and gives up her will

To live;

To be happy;

To change;

To make things right.

I’m trying to be the hero

But I don’t know how

But she needs a hero

And she needs one now

Her childhood pains are still alive

Can’t slay the demons, can’t just cry

So what do I do?

Let her die?

I want to be her hero

And sometimes I want to cry.

She says she’s tired of life.

Maybe I am too.

Every path, she’s taken

There’s nothing to start anew

I guess I am just human

And I’ll make my own mistakes

I can’t save everybody

I don’t have what it takes

To be a hero.

Original Writing: Poem # 2 – She’s Okay

She’s Okay

They all look at her as an example of greatness

she’s never let them down

and she stands there, mask hiding her face

so they don’t see her frown

I’m okay, she states

but nobody seems to hear

I’m okay, she assures

but she’s not, she fears

She writes down these words to escape the pain

her bruises are all hidden well

she tries and tries but has lost the flame

she’s been expelled from hell

She tries to be the good one

daughter

sister

friend

but none of this seems to matter

she just wants it all to end

But nobody understands

Nobody even tries

All they see is smiles

Even when she cries

All they see is truth

When all there is are is lies

She’s Okay

She’s Okay they say

But she’s not

So why even try?

Original Writing: Poem #1

Hello, ya’ll. So, normally I use this blog as a book review sort of thing, but I want to evolve it into something more. I figured I would start posting some poetry I have had lying around:

Say

It’s okay,

you said what you needed to say,

forget the hurt feelings

left in the wake.

Are you unburdened now

do you feel safe?

It’s funny how quickly

the tables change.

Because now it’s me

left out in the cold.

Funny, you’re suddenly so silent now

Now that you have had your chance.

But it’s okay.

You said what you needed to say.

Conscience cleared

what a relief

No need to hide

who you are.

If I’ve made you feel bad

you’ve evened the score

this is no longer friendship,

it’s an all out war.

Who knows

maybe all of this will fade away

get erased

dissipate.

At least now

you feel heard

but let me ask, “friend”

what was the price?

No, you know what?

It’s okay.

You said what you needed to say.